Disappointed ...

Monday, September 8, 2008


Today final exam , i think i had choose the wrong question for my essay ... i dunno why i take a risk in my final exam ... however , my intuition told me to do so ... i am starting to regret now ... i think i had made a wrong choice ... im so scare for resit and im so sad that i think i am a failure ... i did not hope for anything , just hope i wont resit again ... i dunwan fail my favorite subject ... really sad ...

Yesterday , one of my friend who study psycology asked me to draw anything on a paper , and i just simply draw and draw whats on my mind ... she could explained what a person i am and what am i thinking , i am suprised that she said almost exactly correct.. i am very confusing now , so blur , asking myself what should i do next .... its true that i didnt have one's own view, because i respect what people thoughts and i doesnt want them to be unhappy when opinion are different ... i dislike argue ... why ppl like to argue for small matter ? i believe that when i treat people good , they will treat me good too ...but , sometimes everyone is so realistic , its hard to find someone who could yield my desire ... they might not think of the person's feeling .... but i care for everyone feeling , i dislike people who are selfish and did not think for others .... i really hate it ... its hurt when u ask for help , and get rejected ... i hate the feeling of rejected .... thats why i hate asking ppl to do me a favor , i doesnt like to see people's countenance.... if i can do it myself , i will really do it myself .... when i really need help , then i will try to get help from others ... but the feelings of get rejected really felt terrible .... being a helpful person is uneasy .... i dun even know what am i thinking now , so confused and i dunno how to describe .... i felt so insecure for everything i owned now ....

its hard to find a soulmate again ... no doubt it might be impossible .... nobody cares for me .... nobody will think for me.... i need to be tough but its really tough ... im just being too rely on people ... besides , smile on face doesnt mean im happy inside ...i will never get notice from people even i die now ... now i know that a tough woman is not easy to be , and i always hope i am a tough woman ... tough woman need to handle loneliness and never show their sadness .... could i be one of them ?


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